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WE STILL HATE YOU ROCHESTER
Here are several jokes I have collected over the years about the Riverhounds and fellow A-League Teams.
Three soccer fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a
dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call
the cops, they each take off their soccer caps and place them on the dead
woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.
The first fan places his Pittsburgh Riverhounds cap over her left breast, the second Places his Reading Rage cap on her right breast and the third fan covers her privates with his Wilmington Hammerheads cap.
The cops finally arrive and take statements from the fans who covered her up and examine the body. One of the cops lifted the Riverhounds cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Rage cap, and also quickly replaced it. However, when he lifted the Hammerheads cap, he stared and stared for a couple of minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Hammerheads cap once again and stared for a long time.
As he was walking away the second time, the curious fans stopped him and asked why he spent so much time looking at the woman's privates. He replied, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Hammerheads cap."
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A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. In order to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the parents the boy would prefer to live with.
"Well, Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your Mother?"
"No" replied Johnny, "she beats me all the time"
"Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live your your Father?"
"No" replied Johnny again, "He beats me all the time too!"
The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy "Well Johnny, who would you like to live with?"
"I'd like to live with Toronto Lynx" the boy replied quickly.
"Why on earth would you want to live with the Toronto Lynx?" replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.
"Well" replied Johnny, "They never beat anyone"
3 guys a Riverhounds fan, a Timbers fan and a Rhinos fan were all in front of a very stupid firing squad. The Riverhound fan yelled "Look Tornado", and the firing squad turned around well the Riverhound fan ran away. Then the Timbers fan seeing the clever idea by the Riverhound fan yelled "look hurricane" and everyone turned and looked only to find nothing.
The Rhinos fan got the idea and yelled "Fire"
Three Riverhound fans and three Rhino are traveling by train to the A-League cup. At the station, the three Rhinos each buy a ticket and watch as the three Riverhounds buy just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" Asks one of the Rhino fans.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Riverhound fans.They all board the train.
The three Rhino Fans men take their respective seats but all three Riverhound fans cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please. "The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Rhino fans see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station the Rhino fans buy a single ticket for the return
trip again, but the three Riverhound fans don't buy any ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one or the perplexed Rhino fans.
Watch and learn," answers the men from the Pittsburgh.
When they board the train the three Rhino fans cram themselves
into a toilet and the three Riverhound fans cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Riverhound fans leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Rhino fans are hiding. The Riverhound fan knocks on their door and says, "Ticket please."
Joey Worthen goes into the Riverhound locker room to find all his team Mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only the Rhinos. Joey looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you guys go down the pub."
So Joey Worthen goes out to play the Rhinos by himself and the rest of the Riverhounds team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder How the game is going, so get they landlord to put the TV on.
A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Riverhounds 1 - Rhinos 0 (Worthen 10 minutes)" He is beating the Rhinos all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on. "Result from Frontier Field Rochester Riverhounds 1 Rhinos 1 (Worthen 10 minutes) (Mladenov 89 minutes). They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against the Rhinos!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in
The dressing room, stil in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down"
"Don't be crazy, you got a draw against the Rhinos, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes"
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A Riverhound supporter is walking through the streets of Rochester. As he's walking he sees a pit bull attacking a little kid. The Riverhound fan knows he needs to do something or else this kid will be ripped apart. He runs over, pulls the dog away from the kid, and kills it. He then takes his Hound's jersey off to stop the bleeding. As this occured a local reporter saw it. Amazed at the man's bravery, he begins writing a story for the paper. The reporter said, "That was amazing, you just saved that kid's life. I want to get some info on you for the paper. Now i saw you had a jersey on, are you a Rhinos supporter? The man said "No, I support the Riverhounds." After giving the man a disappointed look, the reporter started writing, "Scumbag Kills Family Pet".
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You're trapped in a room with a man-eating tiger, an angry bear and a Rhino fan, and all you have is a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Rhino fan twice.
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The US Post Office had to recall the new Bill Sedgewick postage stamp. It seems customers couldn't decide which side to spit on.
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A Pittsburgh driver used to amuse himself by running over every Rhino
fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous green and yellow colors. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud ''THUMP'' and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought
he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the
Priest ''''where are you going, Father?''
''I''m going to say mass at St. Joseph''s church, about 2 miles down
the road'' replied the priest.
''No problem Father! I''ll give you a lift! Climb in!''
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.
Suddenly the driver saw a Rhino fan walking down the road and instinctively
swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last
minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the bastard.
However even though he was certain he missed the house-robbing, grannystabbing, bastard, he still heard a loud ''THUD.''
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn''t see anything he turned to the priest and said ''I''m sorry Father, I almost hit the Rhino fan.''
''That''s okay'' replied the priest. ''I got the bastard with the door!''
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A Rhino fan, a Riverhound fan and a Impact fan were all in Saudi Arabia,
sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police
rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe
offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught
consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they
were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life
imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day
their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could
be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."
The Impact fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought
about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went
through. The Impact fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain
when the punishment was done. The Rhino fan was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even
two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through
again.
The Riverhound fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most
beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs
and restaurants in North America, your city and football team is known throughout the world (I wish). For this, you may have two wishes!"
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100
lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it
to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Please tie the Rhino fan to my back."
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A Lynx fan had a friend at his house to watch a game. Lynx got a corner kick, and when they did, the guy's dog got so excited he jumped up in the air and did a backflip.
"Wow," said the friend, "that's amazing! I've never seen anything like it!"
"Yeah," said the dog's owner, "he does that anytime they get a corner kick."
"Wow. What does he do when they score a goal?"
"Dunno. I've only had him for two years."
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There was a boy who was a Riverhound fan in a school in Rochester. All the other classmates and the teacher were Rochester fans. The teacher was asking each child what they did at the weekend. When she asked the boy he replied "I went to Bethel Park Stadium to watch the Riverhounds, miss". "Why did you go there ?" asked the teacher, somewhat bemused. "I support the Riverhounds, miss. So does my dad and my mom .". The teacher, a bit annoyed at this news asked the boy, "So if your dad was a drug dealer and your mum was a prostitute would you follow what they did.". The boy answered "No miss, that would make me a Rhino fan."
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There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asks if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Rhino joke. Suddenly a man in the back of the bus said, "No, dont do that. Im a Rhino Supporter" The guide looked at him and said, "Thats okay. Well explain it to you afterwards."
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A fan bought Riverhound ticket from a scalper which ended up being high up in the nose-bleed section. He could barely see the field, and scanning the stadium couldn't see a single open seat among the +100k in attendance. (Someday....Someday)
Still, he thought, he would try to sneak his way down and try to find an empty seat closer to field level. "What's the worst that could happen?" he thought. "If the security guards catch me, they'll either kick me out or tell me to sit back in my seat."
So he stood up and discreetly made his way down. To his surprise, he made it all the way down uncontested to the first row, right in the middle of the center section where an old man was sitting, with an empty seat next to him.
"Excuse me sir," asked the fan to the old man, "is this seat taken?"
The old man shook his head. "No, it's not. Go ahead and sit down."
Ecstatic, the fan sat down and started enjoying the game. Ten minutes later, though, the fan turned to the old man and asked, "Sir, with all due respect, how is it that there was an empty seat in such a prime location??? This is a Riverhound game, after all!!!"
The old man answered sadly. "My wife and I had attended every single Riverhound game since the first one back in '98. However, my wife very recently passed away."
Taken aback, the fan took a moment before answering. "I'm sorry to hear that sir, but don't you have a relative or a friend that you could have brought here in her place?"
"No," the old man replied, "they're all at the funeral."
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